Communique: Report from the front lines

Field operative: 379A

Location: Redacted for security purposes

Date: Redacted for security purposes

Intelligence gathered from a recent reconnaissance mission, found members of the group, currently known as The Ragged Society of Antiquarian Ramblers, availing themselves of a local tea shop. 

379A was able to covertly collect samples of the food consumed at this gathering and has sent them to HQ for further analysis. Preliminary reports suggest the following were consumed: (primary constituents listed and provenance included where possible)

- tea loaf - sultanas, brown sugar, English breakfast tea, self raising flour (Sainsburys), black treacle, butter, eggs (chicken). 

- date slice - rolled oats, preserved dates, sugar, butter, treacle (PJ Harvey convenience store), unconfirmed substance (possibly unctuousness)

- "millionaires shortbread" - condensed milk(Fussels), chocolate, butter, flour, sugar (Ipswich), eggs, vanilla (Jane’s vanilla emporium)

- Mackerel Pate - eaten by the one known as ‘Aunty Gary’ - mackerel (Gt Yarmouth pier), butter, cream, salt (Russia), pepper, lemon juice

379A also collected further pictorial evidence of the food being eaten using the latest AFSI technology - teapotcam. 

Exhibit 1.1

Pub Lunch at the 'Slap & Tickle'

Unit 291 have just produced a remarkable photographic report, following todays  Antiquarian outing. Using the latest nano-technology, they were able to observe a fulsome feast consumed with relish by the hungry Antiquarians at the 'Slap & Tickle' tavern. 

It has been established that the following personages were present:

• Cuthbert Winston
• P.S Morris-Grump
• Meredith Bull-Merde
• Tristan Tweed-Silk
• Timothy Gibberish

Steak and ale pie with new potatoes and assorted vegetables

A pint of warm English beer

Later, as the Antiquarians took tea, operatives from Unit 291 observed Timothy Gibberish take a bite from some Bread-pudding. The report notes that - and I quote  - 'Mr. Gibberish struggled to lift the item, before feeding it to the birds..." 

Vast Quantities of Cake...

We are delighted to announce a triumph for Antiquarian Food Surveillance Institute(AFSI), Unit 212! Disguising themselves as staff at the Strangers Club, Elm Hill, Norwich, they were able, both, to observe and take samples from the recent gathering of Ragged Ramblers' Excursions Committee as they relaxed with tea and cake.


From this first rate work we are able to inform you that the antiquarians imbibed what operative 61 describes as, "Vast quantities of cake!" For instance, it was observed that Major Hodgeforth (retired) consumed five slices; a number equalled by the gentleman we know to be Esotericus.


Now to specifics: analysis of the samples at Central Laboratories revealed this to be a 'light' fruit cake. It contained a range of dried fruit, including green  glacé cherries. This is the first time that we have identified such an ingredient and is very exciting!


However, the most surprising finding was the presence of small traces of absinthe and opium. Dr. Rictus Stein observes:
"These substances were only found within the green cherries. It is as if someone were injecting each individual fruit with the aforementioned substances. A puzzling development!"


Professor Ergo Etsum, Director of the AFSI has made the following announcement:
"Congratulations must be extended to the operatives of Unit 212 for their diligent work. As our understanding of the antiquarian's diet extends, pushing the boundaries of our knowledge ever further, it is very much as a result of the work of those heroes - for that is what they surely are! - who attend, day and night, to this important work."


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Victory V at Thompson Church

April 15th 2010:

From within the church in Thompson in South-West Norfolk the Antiquarian Food Surveillance Institute(AFSI), Unit 251, were in place to observe the Antiquarians as they sipped their tea and consumed cake. Here is their report:

"Arriving at Thompson church at around 15:04 p.m. two Antiquarians were observed assembling a portable stove, on which was placed a small silver kettle. Whilst this took heat, the Antiquarian known to us as 'Esotericus' (code 211) was seen to take a large sandwich from his shoulder bag and begin to eat it. Meanwhile the other - as yet unidentified figure - consumed an apple - discarding the core (subsequently retrieved by the Unit) into a nearby hedge. Using our directional microphones we were able to ascertain that they were discussing the possibility that, on their next venture out, they would bring along bacon and a frying pan. The is a potentially 'game-changing' development!

Throughout the years we have been undertaking our study, the Antiquarians have never yet cooked food on location. We will be closely monitoring these developments, and this will be noted in this months report to AFSI Central Office. 

Current trends would seem to suggest that consumption patterns are changing. Whereas, during last season, there was a marked tendency to imbibe Tunnock bars and Scotch eggs, early evidence would suggest that the antiquarians are moving towards Dundee Cake and pickled eggs. Analysis of samples collected in the wake of their departure,  indicated that the sandwich consumed by Esotericus contained dry cure ham with mustard. 


A curious ovoid substance which the Unit were unable to identify visually, was subsequently shown to be the discarded remnants of a liquorice-flavoured lozenge, which we now think to be a Victory V.Laboratory analysis revealed that this fragment contained significant traces of ether and chloroform.

Addendum: analysis of the cake crumbs suggested Dundee Cake, but, in terms of our agreed scientific research framework, this would have to be deemed 'inconclusive'"
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