A Taste for Spunk

 

Triumph!
Surveillance Unit 38 is, once again, to be congratulated for its excellent work in the field. Showing their professionalism they have succeeded in gathering these fascinating images of antiquarians as their food. As you can see, these include scones with clotted cream and jam. 

In conversation within the church porch where they feasted, we were able to ascertain that the scones were home-baked and the jam, homemade. This was subsequently confirmed by analysis of samples back in the AFSI's laboratories. 

Failure...
Less successful were Unit 202. Unfortunately, whilst undertaking surveillance work at Frettenham Church we fear that their presence was noted by one of the antiquarians who were transfixed by a small bottle of Frappacinno (pictured below) placed on the bonnet of a car. During their de-brief, it was explained that this preoccupation may have led to them being observed by the antiquarian who, "eyed them with hostility and suspicion". They managed to take a photograph of the perplexed subject before scampering away into the distance undergrowth. Such a breach of anonymity is to be deplored and the Grand Committee of the Antiquarian Food Surveillance Institute did consider disciplinary action. However, such was the magnitude of Unit 202's subsequent discover that any such action has been waived. 

Redemption... Spunk!

Whilst on duty on location somewhere in the north-east of Suffolk, operatives from Unit 202 were able to secure this stunning image. Using a combination of high-resolution photography, combined with directional microphones, they were able to ascertain that the antiquarians have developed a taste for Spunk. Listening in, we were heard the antiquarians talking about it as, "a bit salty for my liking", with one commenting, "I'm not sure about the mouth-feel it leaves." Another tweeded figure commented that they were currently unable to speak clearly, "as I have a mouthful of Spunk."

Success at Heydon - But Mission Aborted!

Unit 22B of the Antiquarian Food Surveillance Institute sprang into action last Sunday, upon learning of reports that the Ragged Ramblers antiquarians were gathering for the Heydon open gardens event. 

Operative X19 managed to covertly take these fantastic photographs of the antiquarians taking tea within the Heydon Village Tea Shop, using a high-risk strategy - namely, over the shoulder reverse shots with a zoom lens. Although the operatives were unable to gather any crumbs as evidence, our laboratory analysts are of the opinion that the cakes consist of a Citrus Polenta Cake, Rocky Road and a Lavender Scone with Strawberry jam. Using some highly sophisticated equipment recently procured from the CIA Unit 22B were also able to obtain access to Munro Tweeder-Harris' iPhone notes list of the Ramblers' order. Thus, we know that they ordered the following:

• Breakfast tea for 7
• Lady Grey tea for 1
• Strawberry Lime Cordial for 1
• x1 Cheese Scone
• x1 Shortbread
• x1 Cream Tea with Lavender Scones
• x1 Slice of Tiffin
• x4 Slices of Fruitcake
• x1 Slice of Citrus Polenta Cake

Obviously, we are delighted with such detailed results from 'the field'. However, there was an incident which has led to a good deal of trepidation within the AFSI. Wearing our new Audiotron Laser Mask, operative X09c broke all protocol by peering in at the window whilst wearing this full-face apparatus. At this point, the antiquarian, Tweeder-Harris, turned and clearly noted her presence. Operative X19 noted his quizzical expression and gave the emergency code to abort the mission. Fortunately, it seems that this quick thinking saved the day. We do take some comfort from the fact that we have noted on many occasions the tendency for Tweeder-Harris to enter a state of 'stupefication' upon the consumption of cake in the company of tweed-clad antiquarians. It is hoped that this, combined with his declining faculties, will result in our operational security not being compromised. 

A Slice of Coffee Cake

Operatives of Unit 22B have been hard at work. This is a covert photograph of a slice of coffee cake about to be eaten by the Ragged Rambler we believe to be Dawson Bulwer-Rant,  and was taken by Unit 22B in the Tiffins Tea Emporium in Long Melford, Suffolk. The crumb of the cake appears to have excellent structure and the icing is moist and ample. Mr. Dawson Bulwer-Rant certainly seemed to enjoy it and consumed it within 1 minute and 23 seconds, apparently.

Members of the team were, unfortunately, unable to procure any crumb samples for laboratory analysis as the proprietor of the establishment happened upon them, tweezers in hand, about to place samples into bags and asked them to leave. It is a sad indictment of our society that scientists dedicated to discovering the secrets of antiquarian dietary habits are frustrated in their attempts to further understanding in this way!

Communique: Report from the front lines

Field operative: 379A

Location: Redacted for security purposes

Date: Redacted for security purposes

Intelligence gathered from a recent reconnaissance mission, found members of the group, currently known as The Ragged Society of Antiquarian Ramblers, availing themselves of a local tea shop. 

379A was able to covertly collect samples of the food consumed at this gathering and has sent them to HQ for further analysis. Preliminary reports suggest the following were consumed: (primary constituents listed and provenance included where possible)

- tea loaf - sultanas, brown sugar, English breakfast tea, self raising flour (Sainsburys), black treacle, butter, eggs (chicken). 

- date slice - rolled oats, preserved dates, sugar, butter, treacle (PJ Harvey convenience store), unconfirmed substance (possibly unctuousness)

- "millionaires shortbread" - condensed milk(Fussels), chocolate, butter, flour, sugar (Ipswich), eggs, vanilla (Jane’s vanilla emporium)

- Mackerel Pate - eaten by the one known as ‘Aunty Gary’ - mackerel (Gt Yarmouth pier), butter, cream, salt (Russia), pepper, lemon juice

379A also collected further pictorial evidence of the food being eaten using the latest AFSI technology - teapotcam. 

Exhibit 1.1

Pie Eyed Poetry

Working covertly in the field, Food Surveillance Unit 321 has successfully captured this spectacular image of one of the Ragged Ramblers imbibing a pie during one of the Society's excursions in the misunderstood county of Essex. At the press conference announcing this achievement, Antiquarian Food Surveillance Institute spokesperson, Sally Chew, expressed the following sentiments:

"Although we are a scientific institution and take a rigorous, evidence-based approach to increasing our knowledge about the fascinating dietary habits of the Ragged Rambler, there are occasions when, to watch one at work is... well, it is close to poetry. On this occasion, the way this subject bit into the pastry with such vigor and relish had Unit 321 members mesmerised. One of the operatives noted the lines that formed around the subject's eyes as he bit into his pie were,
'like laughter lines... like he's smiling at his pie - but in a predatory way.'"

The team managed to collect crumb samples that were successfully analysed at the AFSI's secret laboratories, revealing a butter-based pastry filled with a beef and gravy mixture. We are currently trying to establish the provenance of this item, but that is currently proving to be very challenging indeed. 

Postscript: AFSI t-shirts with this image will be available for sale through our online retail outlet in the near future. 

Ragged Ramblers, Scoffing

July 2012


Known members of The Ragged Society of Antiquarian Ramblers (one of whom we believe to go by the moniker, 'Wee Davy') were observed by Unit 231 in H.......n, consuming hot pasties with a light salad in cafe zone of a High Street bakery. Operative K24 observed that,
"the Ramblers ate with such a fury that their Quavers were a-quiver and, sited as we were on the opposite side of the street for most of the operation, their flashing cutlery was a silvery blur of busy-ness."


Of a third Member (not pictured in this image), it was observed that:
"the corpulent one sat greedily eyeing their plates, and salivating profusely, as he sipped at his tea."


Later observations confirmed the team's improvised hypothesis; namely, that he was attempting to lose weight and had a 'sensible' packed lunch awaiting him in the Ramblers' vehicle. 


AFSI Director, Professor G.M. Food commented:
"It is a sad fact that this is the very same gentleman we recently observed consuming a high calorific sausage roll recently outside of Orford Church, followed by a very large almond confection within Ufford church that very same day. We therefore postulate that, sadly, he will revert to type once again."

Food Surveillance in East Norfolk

Antiquarian Food Surveillance Institute's (AFSI) Unit 231 were active in the field yesterday, observing a gaggle of four Ragged Ramblers as they ate their way across East Norfolk. Due to the sophisticated surveillance techniques adopted by this award winning unit we were able to gather some quite remarkable data...

Subsequent analysis at our laboratory yielded the following fascinating data:

"A field unit were using directional microphones to monitor Antiquarian conversation - however the blustery wind interfered with the readings, and, as a result, we are only able to hear the occasional shout of 'Huzzah!' However, samples collected after the Antiquarians had moved on were very interesting indeed. 

The concealed camera had already got a close-up shot of a sweet mincemeat pastry. Analysis proves conclusively that this was made by hand in a domestic setting. Although we cannot, at this point, be sure which of the Antiquarians produced this, we do know that the person who made this was enjoying a small glass of single malt whiskey whilst they cooked. 

With regard to the fried food: it was their usual dry cured smoked back bacon, hand-cut in Granville C. Bond butchers in Aylsham. The baps were white, purchased in Acle Coop an hour of so prior to consumption. However, we did note that they were sliced with unusual precision. This is significant!"

Professor G.M. Food, Director of the AFSI said:

"Once again, due to the outstanding professionalism and resourcefulness of our field units, we have been able to gather more key information about Antiquarian eating behaviour. In particular, the revelation about the home-made sweet mincemeat pastry is a find of quite considerable importance, and raises a number of questions which we will be pursuing. Congratulations to Unit 231!"

Handcut Bacon!

Tad Chomp, spokesperson for the AFSI, has released the following excerpts of a recently compiled report on the activities of the Ragged Ramblers...


RSAR Surveillance Report. St. Peter, Melton Constable. December 2010 - Unit 253a 


Using our directional microphones we were able to record much of the dialogue - and muffled screams - of the Ragged Ramblers as they became engaged in cooking their food (method: frying) and, thereafter, consuming it. Among the many fascinating elements to emerge from this endeavour was the revelation that the Ragged Rambler known as 'Aunty Gary' had provided some spicy tomato chutney purchased from Jarrolds of Norwich. Upon tasting, the Ragged Rambler known as 'Esotericus,' was heard to exclaim, " A triumph Sir! An enthralling kaleidoscope of wholesome flavours." It is recommended that AFSI field operatives ascertain the exact identity of this chutney - a matter of the utmost urgency!


[Classified]


Laboratory analysis of congealed fat gathered at the site indicate that the bacon was hand-cut, with a 87.45% probability that it was derived from a Gloucester Old Spot. Comparative analysis (combined with photographic evidence) suggests that it had been purchased from Granville C. Bond butchers in Aylsham, Norfolk some days previously. 


Professor Ergo Etsum, Director of the AFSI has made the following announcement:
"Congratulations must be extended to the operatives of Unit 253a for their outstanding work. It is only through the innovation, resourcefulness and courage of our field operatives that we are able to bring to the wider public, such fascinating - and scupulously evidence-based! - details of the Ragged Ramblers' dietry preferences."

Treacle Tart

Last Wednesday, in the biggest operation in the history of the Antiquarian Food Surveillance Institute (AFSI), we conducted a surveillance operation as the Antiquarians visited the ruins of St Benet's Abbey on the Norfolk broads. 

Despite many operational difficulties, using directional microphones, Field Unit 257b were able to ascertain that the Antiquarians were eulogising about treacle tart...

Later, the same operatives were able to gather crumbs from the site, which - having undergone analysis at the laboratories - conclusively prove that a treacle tart had recently been consumed at this spot. 

In the light of this evidence, Dr. I.A.M. Greedy released the following statement:

"The Antiquarians have been eating treacle tart. They like it. This is interesting."

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Fry Time

A field unit of the Antiquarian Food Surveillance Unit have obtained these remarkable photographs of the Ramblers frying bacon and consuming it in rolls (white, purchased in a Norwich Coop store). Due to some diligent research we have been able to ascertain that the bacon - dry-cure back bacon - was purchased at Granville C. Bond's butchers in Aylsham.


Professor O. Bese released the following statement:
"This is amazing! To see a Ragged Rambler actually cooking bacon, out in a field in North Suffolk - on a camp-stove! Amazing..."

Newsflash! Ramblers picnic!!!

Field operatives of the AFSI can report that, this very day (11th June, 2010), three antiquarian Ramblers shared a picnic lunch. One of our units was able to obtain some fascinating information about the Ramblers' food. To whet your appetite, here is one of the amazing photographs obtained by our resourceful staff...

Dr. Osbert Bese

Pub Lunch at the 'Slap & Tickle'

Unit 291 have just produced a remarkable photographic report, following todays  Antiquarian outing. Using the latest nano-technology, they were able to observe a fulsome feast consumed with relish by the hungry Antiquarians at the 'Slap & Tickle' tavern. 

It has been established that the following personages were present:

• Cuthbert Winston
• P.S Morris-Grump
• Meredith Bull-Merde
• Tristan Tweed-Silk
• Timothy Gibberish

Steak and ale pie with new potatoes and assorted vegetables

A pint of warm English beer

Later, as the Antiquarians took tea, operatives from Unit 291 observed Timothy Gibberish take a bite from some Bread-pudding. The report notes that - and I quote  - 'Mr. Gibberish struggled to lift the item, before feeding it to the birds..." 

Vast Quantities of Cake...

We are delighted to announce a triumph for Antiquarian Food Surveillance Institute(AFSI), Unit 212! Disguising themselves as staff at the Strangers Club, Elm Hill, Norwich, they were able, both, to observe and take samples from the recent gathering of Ragged Ramblers' Excursions Committee as they relaxed with tea and cake.


From this first rate work we are able to inform you that the antiquarians imbibed what operative 61 describes as, "Vast quantities of cake!" For instance, it was observed that Major Hodgeforth (retired) consumed five slices; a number equalled by the gentleman we know to be Esotericus.


Now to specifics: analysis of the samples at Central Laboratories revealed this to be a 'light' fruit cake. It contained a range of dried fruit, including green  glacé cherries. This is the first time that we have identified such an ingredient and is very exciting!


However, the most surprising finding was the presence of small traces of absinthe and opium. Dr. Rictus Stein observes:
"These substances were only found within the green cherries. It is as if someone were injecting each individual fruit with the aforementioned substances. A puzzling development!"


Professor Ergo Etsum, Director of the AFSI has made the following announcement:
"Congratulations must be extended to the operatives of Unit 212 for their diligent work. As our understanding of the antiquarian's diet extends, pushing the boundaries of our knowledge ever further, it is very much as a result of the work of those heroes - for that is what they surely are! - who attend, day and night, to this important work."


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Victory V at Thompson Church

April 15th 2010:

From within the church in Thompson in South-West Norfolk the Antiquarian Food Surveillance Institute(AFSI), Unit 251, were in place to observe the Antiquarians as they sipped their tea and consumed cake. Here is their report:

"Arriving at Thompson church at around 15:04 p.m. two Antiquarians were observed assembling a portable stove, on which was placed a small silver kettle. Whilst this took heat, the Antiquarian known to us as 'Esotericus' (code 211) was seen to take a large sandwich from his shoulder bag and begin to eat it. Meanwhile the other - as yet unidentified figure - consumed an apple - discarding the core (subsequently retrieved by the Unit) into a nearby hedge. Using our directional microphones we were able to ascertain that they were discussing the possibility that, on their next venture out, they would bring along bacon and a frying pan. The is a potentially 'game-changing' development!

Throughout the years we have been undertaking our study, the Antiquarians have never yet cooked food on location. We will be closely monitoring these developments, and this will be noted in this months report to AFSI Central Office. 

Current trends would seem to suggest that consumption patterns are changing. Whereas, during last season, there was a marked tendency to imbibe Tunnock bars and Scotch eggs, early evidence would suggest that the antiquarians are moving towards Dundee Cake and pickled eggs. Analysis of samples collected in the wake of their departure,  indicated that the sandwich consumed by Esotericus contained dry cure ham with mustard. 


A curious ovoid substance which the Unit were unable to identify visually, was subsequently shown to be the discarded remnants of a liquorice-flavoured lozenge, which we now think to be a Victory V.Laboratory analysis revealed that this fragment contained significant traces of ether and chloroform.

Addendum: analysis of the cake crumbs suggested Dundee Cake, but, in terms of our agreed scientific research framework, this would have to be deemed 'inconclusive'"
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